1. Un.BelievAble. Dean Karnazes is 41 days/marathons/states into his 50 in 50 in 50 quest and he’s still going strong (and seems to be enjoying himself). If only I can do 1 in 1 in 1…
2. I’m almost through October. Yay! I’m feeling more cheerful and weird, unbloggable things are starting to happen to me again, so I know I’m getting back to normal.
3. Going to Alexandria tomorrow for my first Team Thailand Meeting. I will get better acquainted with my traveling companions – for better or for worse. I’m looking forward to a little time on the road. It’s been too long.
4. Sometimes I’m getting the Christmas spirit by this time of year. I’m not there yet, but I am getting excited about Thanksgiving.
5. You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find: you get what you nee-eed.
6. I haven’t watched any of the World Series this year and I don’t care.
7. I really need someone to fix the archives of my blog. Anyone? Anyone?
8. If I got a dog right now, I would name him Smitty or Jonesey, or possibly Bootsy.
9. I am not getting a dog right now.
10. I would miss out on a lot of Life Lessons if things always went the way I wanted them to go. Sometimes I think I could learn to live with that sort of ignorance.
So, a while back, I had this Shuffle Post that I started to post, but never did and it got buried in the ol' blog archives. I was thinking of posting it today, then I saw that there was a similar meme going around. So I thought to myself, "Self: why not do both?" And it was as good as done.
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool..
Here's the old one (freshly shuffled for today):
How am I feeling today? Sqaure One - Coldplay
Will I get far in life? One Day I'll Fly Away - Nicole Kidman
How do my friends see me? Lebenese Blonde - Thievery Corporation
What is my best friend's theme song? Best Imitation of Myself - Ben Folds
What is my theme song? When I Drink - Sylvie Lewis
What is the story of my life? Life is a Highway - Tom Cochran
What was high school like? Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf
How can I get ahead in life? Go or Go Ahead - Rufus Wainwright
What is the best thing about me? Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer
What is today going to be like? Walking Without Effort - Richard Swift
What is in store for this weekend? The First Taste - Fiona Apple
What song describes my parents? No One Else - Weezer
Describes me? Ain't That Lonely Yet- Dwight Yoakam (HA!)
How is my life going? Miss Halfway - Anya Marina
What song will be played at my funeral? Selah - Lauryn Hill
How does the world see me? Champagne Supernova - Oasis
Will I have a happy life? Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
How can I make myself happy? Building a Mystery - Sarah McLachlan
What should I do with my life? Ohio (Come Back to Texas) - Bowling for Soup (My parents should like that one!)
If you're still having fun, see part 2 (the soundtrack of my life) in the extended entry.
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD YOUR SOUNDTRACK BE?
Opening Credits:
Girl From the North Country – Bob Dylan
Waking Up:
Come Sing Me a Song – Sing-Sing
First Day At School:
Sentimental Guy – Ben Folds
Falling In Love:
Old Friends – Sylvie Lewis
Breaking Up:
That Makes One of Us – Allison Krauss
Prom:
Step Into My Office, Baby – Belle & Sebastian
Life's OK:
Long Ride Home – Patty Griffin
Mental Breakdown:
My Doorbell – The White Stripes
Driving:
Let’s Hear That String Part Again, Because I Don’t Think They Heard It All the Way Out in Bushnell – Sufjan Stephens
Flashback:
Where to Begin – My Morning Jacket
Getting Back Together:
Don’t Speak – No Doubt
Wedding:
Such Great Heights – The Postal Service
Birth of Child:
White Shadows – Coldplay
Final Battle:
Cinder and Smoke – Iron & Wine
Death Scene:
Freak Me Out - Weezer
Funeral Song:
Wish You Were Here - Ryan Adams
End Credits:
Fair – Remy Zero
In the Immortal Words of Yogi Berra: “Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
The same is true of running. If I can get in the right zone mentally, the physical part is (relatively) easy; but if I’m not there mentally, it’s all over. I’ve noticed that there are certain mile markers where I start to doubt myself, but if I can get past them, I can make it through the whole way. The thing is: I know my body can run for a long, long time. If I could get there mentally, I know I could run 20 miles today (physically, I probably wouldn’t feel so good afterwards, though mentally, I would be ecstatic). It’s not my body that’s holding me back, it’s my mind. Thankfully, 20 miles is a long way down the schedule, but every time I go out to run, it’s a mental struggle, whether I’m running 4 or 10 or (hopefully) 12 (later this week), I have to play bad cop/good cop with my mind.
The book I’m reading about marathon running puts a lot of emphasis on the mental/emotional aspect of running. They recommend mental exercises like composing “videos” in your mind about how you felt during really enjoyable runs and how you think you’ll feel after you finish a marathon. They also suggest having a paragraph you say to yourself over and over like, “I feel really good about this. I enjoy running. I could keep running for ever. I am a marathoner, etc”. I’ve tried this technique, and it does actually help get me through a few minutes of struggling, which is usually enough to encourage me through several more miles until I start to doubt again. I need to actually write out a paragraph and memorize it, because mine is not well thought out and it always ends with, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, dog-gone-it, people like me.” At least it makes me smile.
All this running is teaching me a lot about myself though, and I’m glad that I can recognize the mind/body issues involved. As with almost every struggle in my life, I feel like if I can beat it mentally, the physical aspect is as good as done. It’s all about self-control: making yourself do something you don’t want to do or making yourself not do something you want to do. It’s a never-ending battle. I’m so bad about thinking, “I’ll take the easy way today and just try harder tomorrow. Give me what I want. Now.” But I need to make the right choices every day, even on things that seem insignificant, even when I don’t feel like it. It’s never convenient to run. Sitting on the couch with a book or a movie is always more convenient: I don’t have to think about weather or traffic or darkness or shoes. There is rarely a mental struggle involved there.
Some days, I’m really excited about running before I go, but once I start, I don’t want to be there. There are some things I wanted to accomplish through running that I may never achieve. I’m nowhere near as good as I could and should be. I don’t always see the progress I’m making day by day, but when I look back and compare, it’s encouraging to see the payoff of the struggles. I’m trying to apply this to other areas of life as well: Bible reading, serving others, what I eat, how I spend my money, and the list goes on. Again, I’m not where I could and should be. Making the right choices, even when I don’t have time or don’t feel like it, pays off. It’s usually one little step at a time, but before you know it, you can look back and see how far you’ve come. Easier said than done, I know.*
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. (Hebrews 12:11)*I know this post is kind of preachy, as if I have it all figured out. I’m basically preaching to myself.
Sometimes I wonder what it is I miss about college life. I’m pretty sure it’s not the reading and studying. It’s definitely not the finals (though I’ll admit to missing the post-finals elation). Taking a calculator to the grocery store so I can add up every dime of groceries and calculate sales tax so I don’t embarrass myself by not having enough money at the check-out stand? Waiting tables for a living? Planning my day around where I’m going to park my car? Let’s see: No. No. And no.
There are a few things I miss. I miss the fact that my usual bed time was 3 am…not much earlier than the time I get up these days! I got to sleep until 10 or 11 most mornings. I miss fall break and Christmas break and spring break and summer break. But there’s a lot to be said for having an adult schedule and there’s even more to be said for paid vacations.
Overall, I wouldn’t trade my life now for my life then. It was good while I was there. I’m glad I did it and I’m glad it’s over. But there is one thing about college life that I really do wish I still had: built-in friends. Here’s what I mean: in college (and all through school, really) you’re in an environment where everyone lives in almost identical circumstances: similar schedules, similar work-load, no money, roommates…all-around similar lifestyles, which makes for automatic similar interests, which makes developing friendships really easy – especially when you have thousands of people in the same boat within a 5-mile radius. It’s sort of an artificial environment and many of those friendships taper off post-graduation, but it’s luxurious while you’re there.
I started thinking about this because I’m in the curious position of having few true piers. Don’t get me wrong: (if you take any part of this post with you, take this. If I could make you check a little box that said you had read this disclosure before you read the rest of this post, I would.) I have many friends and I LOVE them and wouldn’t trade them for all the me-clones in the world. I in-no-way think it’s healthy to only have friends in your identical life-circumstances (even when I was in college, I tried to be around families as much as I could). I have advantages and disadvantages that other people my age (read: married with children) don’t have – I’m not saying my life is better or worse: just different. But sometimes, I think it would be really nice to have a group of working single people to hang around with.
This is where the concept of The Friend Date comes in. I am acquainted with a (very) few other single women around my age who I think I could get to be friends with, but whenever I see them I’m hesitant to ask them to go out for coffee or drinks. I just feel weird about it. What if we go to coffee and run out of things to say after 5 minutes? What if they don’t laugh at my jokes? What if they’ve prematurely settled into crazy-old-maid-cat-lady life? I can’t be friends with cat ladies! It’s just kind of awkward to try to start a friendship (for someone like me who’s not a natural conversationalist) and I don’t like taking the risk. Oh, the pressure!
Like I said, I love the friends I already have, but of course, it’s always nice to have more friends. Really, what I want is someone who I can call at the spur of the moment and say, “Hey, let’s go to dinner!” and they can just drop what they’re doing and go. Or I could call them to go see a movie with me. I think I’ve mentioned before that I don’t mind going to a movie by myself every now and then. I still don’t really mind it, but last time I did that, the guy that was tearing tickets was all, “You’re going to a movie by yourself? That’s so sad.” Thanks, buddy. Tear the tickets and mind your own business. He caught me on the way out, too and wanted to chat about why I was at a movie by myself. I guess it just blew his mind that a foxy lady like myself (ha!) would be at a movie alone. Anyway. I digress. I’m just saying that since I don’t always plan things in advance, it would be nice to have the option to call someone at the last minute to go do something, but I feel so vulnerable initiating new friendships.
Just as I was writing this, I got a call from one of the potential friends and she said was going to come by my office later this week (for business purposes). May be this is my big chance!
1. Yoga is now offered 7 times a week at my gym and 5 of those classes are at times that are occassionally available to me, which means I can make it at least twice a week. This is an improvement over the 1 class that was available to me previously, which was at a really inconvenient time. A good thing because yoga time is happy time.
2. I was all excited to make this recipe for butternut squash, pears, and fresh ginger sauteed in a touch of butter with a bit of s & p. Then, when I got ready to actually make it, I realized I had acorn squash (not to be confused with butternut squash) and the pears were mushy. I made it anyway and lets just say: it put the squash in squash. It is a big bowl of mush. This is a good thing because it's a big bowl of really delicious mush.
3. I had a conference call today with my Thailand team, which was encouraging. I had been kind of stressed about all the different requirements, but I'm feeling better about them now. We all had looked into various things and could share our findings with one another. It's a good thing because now I know where to get insurance to cover repatriation of remains. (Encouraging, huh?)
4. Today is October 17th - a date that is forever etched in my mind from my first year of living in Idaho because the first snow of the season came on October 17th and to a little girl from east Texas, that was beyond bizarre. It was 90 degrees here today. It's a good thing I have an air conditioner.
5. I'm always glad when I make myself try to think of good things in my life, simple though they may be, and even though I'm writing this as the fifth thing on my list just so I'll have a fifth thing, remembering simple pleasures is undeniably a good thing.
I've been living in an alternate reality lately.
For some reason, October always seems to be a tough month for me, and this year is no exception. I'm facing challenges I don't want to deal with, as well as challenges I do want to deal with hypothetically, but not really. So instead of facing the music, I've found myself doing something I haven't done since...oh, I don't know...my Babysitter's Club phase: living in fiction (and even in non-fiction). I know it's kind of a loser thing to do, but I sure have been enjoying it.
Gilead, Coronation of Glory, and now Reading Lolita in Tehran, have helped get me through some depressing times lately, which, I know, is a sorry replacement for friends and family. If you are reading this, it's likely I owe you (at least) a call or an e-mail...probably a visit (which I've realized is the expected contact from any single friend). I've had a bad attitude (and I know it), so I've been avoiding human contact, which is sad because I know human contact would make me have a better attitude. I'm a jerk. I readily acknowledge the fact. It's sad when I find myself repenting of my brattiness before I even get out of bed, but that has been the case for a couple of weeks now.
The good news is: I'm half-way through this difficult month; in less than two weeks, I'll have two stressful things over and done with; I've accomplished the goal of buying at least one Christmas present before the end of the month (and hopefully, I'll get at least one more in); I ran ten miles yesterday - a feat I never (EVER!) thought I could accomplish (even though people have tried to discourage me about it...another story for another time...proving I'm not alone in being a jerk); and life is wonderful, whether I acknowledge it or not.
I'm trying to have a better outlook. Really. I promise. Hopefully, it will take hold soon and we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Dear Daily Harvest,
How long have we been seeing each other now? A year? Two years? Even though you're disorganized, have consistently slow service, and that one lady always touches the cookies with her bare fingers despite the fact that she has a piece of tissue paper in her hand, I can work around those things. I'll call my order in so it's ready when I get there and I don't have to actually see the lady get the cookie. Though you've gotten my order wrong on more than one occasion, I still find you irresistible. I can see how you misunderstood "turkey" for "tuna" (and the tuna was pretty good, I must say). I can deal with that. You have so many other good qualities that make my visits worthwhile: The bread? Excellent. The chicken salad? Delicious. Don't even get me started on the cookies. You have excelled in many things.
I've been hesitant to bring this up, but, for the love of Pete, will you please stop putting that nasty pickle spear in with my order? I can't overlook this anymore. I always specify "no pickle", but it's always in there, contaminating my sandwich and making the veggie chips soggy. I respect the fact that pickle-eaters don't understand non-pickle-eaters' dislike of a pickle being anywhere near their food. I'm not completely pickle-intolerant. If you were Chick-fil-a, I would just take the pickle slices off my sandwich and keep on trucking. But pickle spears are far more foul than pickle slices, which is why I find your refusal to acknowledge my request so insulting. This behavior is completely unacceptable. I can't go on like this. If we're to keep seeing each other, we're going to have to work this out.
Sincerely,
Christin
*I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, including several things I’ve wanted to blog about, but every time I’ve sat down to do it, the words just wouldn’t come to me. I always have a hard time deciding how serious I want to get about real-life issues on my blog. I’ve been doing this for 3+ years, and I still haven’t decided.
*I’ve been a bit under the weather this week – not really sure what’s wrong, but all I’ve wanted to do is sleep. So far, I feel better today. Hopefully, I’m over whatever it was. I’m tired of being a worthless bum. Being sick, however, did justify some TV time, so I watched a lot of Arrested Development. Funny stuff. (I have a temporary membership to Blockbuster Online, so I’ve got to watch as many DVDs as I can between now and October 18th to get my money’s worth.)
*Every month, I make a new playlist on my iPod. It’s usually a mix of songs I love but haven’t listened to much lately and songs from bands that I want to get to know. The list usually reflects pretty heavily on what kind of mood I was in on the particular day I made it or what was going on in my life at the time. I need to make my October playlist, but I’m not sure where to start. Any song suggestions?
*I signed up for another 5K this Saturday. I’m hoping to take at least 3 minutes off my previous time. I hear there’s a half-marathon scheduled in Monroe in November. I haven’t tracked down any information on it yet, but I’d like to do it if I don’t have other plans that weekend. We’re scheduled for a 14 mile long-run that week anyway, and I think it would be easier with a group than with just the two of us. We’ll see how that works out.
*Now’s the time to decide if I want to get into watching post-season baseball. I LOVE to watch it, but it’s very time consuming. Maybe I’ll wait until we’re down to 4 teams.