verbingnouns

The Great Sermon Handicap

Not too long ago, I read P.G. Wodehouse's The Inimitable Jeeves, which includes the story "The Great Sermon Handicap". Basically, it involves Betrie and some of his buddies placing bets on different vicars based on the length of their sermons. It's quite hillarious, as you can imagine.

Tim Challies steps it up a notch here in his post "Fantasy Church". Check it out.

One Happy, One Sad

Last weekend, I finished reading Isaac's Storm, by Erik Larsen. I've been meaning to read it for a while now and just now got around to it. I'm glad I read it, but man, it was a tear-jerker. It's about the great hurricane that struck Galveston in 1900, so I knew going into it that it wasn't going to be the feel-good book of the year. Other than the terror of living through such a storm, another thing that struck me about the book was how far meteorology and storm tracking have come in the last hundred years. It's funny to think that I, as an average person, know a lot more about the subject than the great weathermen of those days. Granted, the fact that I know these things is because of the work they did. Even after watching the aftermath of Katrina last year, it is comforting to think that we have much more advanced weather watching systems than they did back then. 6,000+ people died in Galveston from that storm. Imagine how many could have been spared if they had known what was headed towards them.

On a happier note, I watched Mad Hot Ballroom the other day. It is a documentary about the ballroom dancing lesson that are taught to fifth-graders in the NYC public schools. It was really fun to watch the kids dance. Kids are funny at that age anyway - some of them are worried about being cool, but the dancing kind of got past that, and some of them never even heard of cool, so that added to the entertainment. I didn't get up off the couch and dance with them (the blinds were opened!), but it did make me want to learn some ballroom dances.

Theme of the week: Crazy

::Best 99 cents spent in the last week:: Crazy, by Gnarls Barkley. (I can't belive I just said that.)

::Best thing to happen in the past week:: RAIN! I stood outside in it on Monday, like a crazy person, until I feared I might be struck by lightning. I don't think I've been so excited to see water from the sky in a long time. Of course, now I will actually have to break down and mow the yard. It's a small price to pay for the relatively cool 90 degree weather.

::Moment you wish you had on video:: 30 seconds (which seemed like 10 minutes) while I was out for a walk and I honestly thought I had a snake in my pants. (I had seen a snake a few minutes earlier so it was fresh on my mind, I guess, and...yada, yada, yada...I'm sure it was quite a crazy jig I danced. The guy watching me from his yard certainly seemed to get a kick out of it.)

::Craziest request of the past week:: asking my area manager for six weeks off of work so I can go to Thailand. (I haven't gotten an answer yet. I don't think it will happen, but details are forthcoming if it actually happens. I have to get company approval and my local boss' approval first.)

T Minus 16 Weeks and Counting

26.2 miles is a long stinkin' way. Yesterday, as I was driving back from Nac, I set my tripometer just to get an idea of how long it is. Yeah. It's long. If you're from Nac - it is 26.2 miles from the Walmart in Center to the turn-off of Hwy 7 onto 311. If you're from Monroe - it's 26.2 from the Ruston/Farmerville exit (#86) to Thomas Rd. I must be insane.
I've definitely got my work cut out for me. The idea of running a long way is very invigorating, but in practice, it's not so exciting. The heat and humidity these days is brutal all the time - day or night. Maybe autumn will be kinder to us.
They say the first 20 miles of a marathon are relatively easy: it's the last 6.2 that are killer. I say, if running 20 miles ever feels relatively easy, I've done something right.
Even though I've been running the past couple of weeks, I've been pretty lazy otherwise, but now's the time to get serious about watching what I eat and crosstraining. I'm reminded of a bit of dialogue from the best cheerleader movie ever made, Bring It On:

Courtney: "Why does everybody have to go on a diet?"
Sparky: "Because in cheerleading, we throw people in the air. Fat people don't go as high."

The same principle applies in running. Lighter is better. Something to do with physics...

I Always Thought She Looked Familiar...

You can make fun of me if you want, but you know you're going to try it too.

Because I don't really have a celebrity look-alike, but I always wanted one:

Seriously. What fun is it having a blog if you can't do fun stuff like this? I tried it with two different pictures and got Elisha Cuthbert & Krista Allen on both. I also got Courteney Cox (flattering, but not realistic), Mariah Carey and Mary-Louise Parker, both of whom I can see. I always thought Liv Tyler (who is undeniably a bit scary) & perhaps Megan Mullally or Snow White (and sometimes Allison Krauss), but none of them were a match.

That old picture (from Rachel's wedding a year and a half ago) really makes me want to chop my hair off again.

For what it's worth (if I had a black celebrity twin): I look way more like Gabrielle Union than Beyonce. (IMO) And, I'm way more Mandy Moore than Jessica Biel.

Of course, I was hoping for Catherine Zeta-Jones or Angelina Jolie, but there's no point in kidding myself.

HT: Rick & Rachel

Vintage

I'm not typically into vintage clothes. Really, any used clothing at all is unappealing to me. There's something about digging through other people's old junk that gives me the willies. I don't like yard sales or flea markets or thrift stores. Admittedly, this is at least partially rooted in snobbery, but another part of it is based on something not entirely unlike germaphobia. It's ridiculous, I know. Sue me.
In addition to my dislike for used clothing, I am also uncomfortable in costumes. This is especially absurd given my love of all-things-flashy in general, every-day attire. But it's the truth: I feel weird playing dress up. Of course, if I attend a costume party sans costume: well, that's not cool either, and since I can't say no to a party - costume or not - well, I just have to get over it.
But today, I had a breakthrough experience: As I mentioned the other day, I'm going to a 70's party. I was thinking of wearing some 70's-inspired modern clothing, but decided I would look around to see what I could find without having to shell out too much money. Lucky for me, inflation has not hit old-school polyester.
I went down to Historic Antique Alley in lovely, smelly, sweltering West Monroe and Behold! A treasure-trove of vintage clothing that even a second-hand-costume-snob like myself could not pass up. Sweet Nancy! there were some finds in that place! I spent nearly an hour digging through the greatest fashion hits of the 60s, 70s & 80s. There were some items in there that were truly crimes against fashion and I would say crimes against nature, but there was not a natural fiber in the room, so nature probably doesn't give a rip.
Unfortunately, there were no dressing rooms, so I had to try things on over my clothes so some of the truly priceless items were a no-go because I couldn't tell if they were too big or too small. I did find a costume though: for the bargain-basement price of six bucks, I got a super-groovy bright yellow polyester dress. In fact, I bought another 70s costume too, because it was too good to pass up and I figured someone else might be able to use it. But wait! That's not all! I bought a totally hip red coat with faux-fur trim on the sleeves - not for a costume, but for actual cold-weather usage. It's a bit on the roomy side and has some weird vinyl-feeling lining, but it'll be nice to have anyway. Hopefully, my friendly neighborhood dry cleaner can get the used-clothes-funk out of it.
It's too late to make a long story short, but suffice it to say, I may have turned over a new leaf or two. Of course, I still feel like I need to take a shower after digging through all that stuff, but that could just be due to the fact that there was no A/C in the room and polyester doesn't breathe well.
This could be the first time I've been excited about a costume since my circa 1987 Barbie Halloween costume.

Good Idea/Bad Idea

Back in the day, I used to watch Animaniacs from time to time and my favorite segment was called Good Idea/Bad Idea. The segment was just 30 seconds or so of simply animated (you guessed it!) good ideas and bad ideas. Some of my favorites were:

Good idea: Having breakfast served to you in bed.
Bad idea: Having tennis balls served to you in bed.

Good idea: whistling while you work.
Bad idea: whistling while you eat.

Good idea: playing the accordion at a polka festival.
Bad idea: playing the accordion on the bus (or anywhere else).

Good idea: doing your own yard work.
Bad idea: doing your own dental work.

Good idea: playing cops and robbers in the park.
Bad idea: playing cops and robbers in the bank.

Good idea: dressing up for Halloween as a pirate.
Bad idea: dressing up for Halloween as a piñata.

When I started writing this post, I intended to make up a few of my own Good ideas/Bad ideas, but that ain't happenin' today (and it's probably better that way).

-ing

::Hearing - Tangos & Tantrums by Sylvie Lewis. I can't get enough of it::

::Looking - outside at the lovely sky and wishing it felt as nice as it looks::

::Reading - Isaac's Storm by Erik Larsen; The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer by David Whitsett, Forrest Dolgener & Tanjela Kole; Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination by Helen Fielding; Gilead by Marilynne Robinson (Still!!! I need to start over - I got distracted)::

::Eating - my made-up Greek casserole::

::Watching - John Tucker Must Die. Yes. I did. I cannot tell a lie::

::Praying - that I'll learn how to pray better::

::Considering - running in The Race For the Cure in September::

::Wishing - I was in Seattle. It's been on my mind lately::

::Worrying - about the future. What's new?::

::Planning - what to wear to a 70's party::

::Thinking - a margarita sounds really good right about now::

::Discovering - the good things in life don't just happen and they're never easy - they take effort...oh yeah, and patience. I always forget about the patience::

Quotable

When I feel the need to keep a pen and paper nearby while reading a book, I know I've found a good one.

From Robert Ferrar Capon's The Supper of the Lamb:

"And the mushroom? It is proof of creation ex nihilo, the paradigm of the marvelously solid unnecessariness of the world. How anything so nearly nothing could at the same time be so emphatically something - how the spirit of brooding on the face of the waters could have brought forth this...well, words fail, and mystery reigns."

"Only miracles are simple; nature is a mystery."

"God gave us wine to make us gracious and keep us sane."

"Woks and iron skillets should be rinsed and wiped, never washed. If someone comes along and tells you cleanliness is next to godliness, the proper response is, 'Yes - next. Right now I'm working on godliness.'"

"A piece of cheese, a bottle of beer and a twenty-minute nap would solve more of the problems of industry, politics and the church than all the pretentious martini-logged luncheon meetings in the world."

"Man was made to lead with his chin; he is worth knowing only with his guard down, his head up and his heart rampant on his sleeve."

There are many more wonderful snippets (as well as wonderful chapters) in this book, but I thought quoting the entire book might be a bit much and instead, recommend that you buy it and read it yourself.

I've Been Tagged and We All Know That Once One Has Been Tagged, One Must Comply With the Order

From Lacey:

"Once you are tagged, you must post six things about yourself which are either weird, unusual, habitual, or are just plain fun to hear about (and true!). Once you post these things in your blog, you must gently* tag six to ten others in the Xanga world, [I think we can safely substitute "blog" there] who then, in the spirit of not wussing out, must read words like these and follow the same rules you did".

You probably already know these things.

1. I dye my hair. I've been doing it for years and I can't quit. I try to stick to a color very similar to my natural color. I've been very tempted to go red, but I can't bring myself to do it, mostly because of the initial shock, but also because I'm afraid I would really like it and feel compelled to keep doing it, which could get pricey.

2. I have an irrational fear of being perceived as uncool. I say it's irrational because I already know that a.) I'm NOT cool, I never have been and probably never will be and b.) it doesn't matter in the least.

3. If I had rollover minutes on my cellphone - say 1000 minutes per month available for the last 5 years, I would have approximately 57,892 left. I shouldn't even have a cellphone, but it's all about the safety. Even though it doesn't actually keep me safer, I feel like it does. I guess it's just a grown-up security blanket.

4. I type pretty fast for someone who doesn't know how to type.

5. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm too cold-hearted, but I'm also afraid of not being cold-hearted. And I don't care.

6. I occasionally go to the movies by myself. I used to feel very self-conscious and embarrassed about it and would only do it in a deperate attempt to avoid particular people. Now, I don't do it often, but when I do, I kind of like it, even though I try not to talk about it too much because it makes other people uncomfortable. It's really not bad, though, but you have to hold your head high to pull it off.

I'm not tagging anyone. If you want to do it though, it's all you. Who am I to stop you?

Back on the Straight and Narrow

What?? You don't care how long I ran or what I ate for breakfast?!!?

Too bad. That was going to be cool.

I'm really pumped about this whole marathon thing AND I found a friend that wants to marthon with me! Yay! I'll try not to turn this into the marathon training blog, but I can't make any promises. And hey, if I do, I won't make you read it. Pinky swear.

I'm wearing the White Suit of Dominion today. It makes me be in a good mood. I should wear it every Monday.

Heck, I should wear it every day.

Notes From All Over

::You'll be sorry to know (and quite shocked, I'm sure) that I didn't win the lottery. I'm not 100% sure, as I don't really know how to play the lottery, but I typed in all 105 sets of numbers and found no matches. (Thankfully, I don't have much of a life this Saturday night and if there's one thing several years of banking has gotten me, it's that I'm PDQ with a 10-key, so there wasn't much time wasted figuring that out. Time is money, and I wouldn't want to throw good money after bad.)

::If you talk to someone about the goodness of Nutella, so much so that your are craving it and decide to look for it in the newly expanded grocery section of your local Target, and finding none, you decide that All-natural Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter will be a serviceable substitute, you will be drooling the drool of regret into the pillow of remorse. No dice, my friend. No. Dice.

::July proved to be a tough month for me in several ways. We (royally speaking, natch.) are off to a better start in August. Maybe I'm just easily amused, but life is funny to me.

::Where will you be December Ninth in the Two-Thousand Sixth Year of Our Lord? Speak for yourself, for I intend to be standing (sweating and probably near passed out) at the finish-line of the Rocket City Marathon. Details forthcoming. I feel like if I could run 26.2 miles, I could do anything, but I actually have more challenging goals than that in mind these days, too. We shall see.

::There's a fine-line between self-confidence and self-absorption. There's a place where the presumed need of self-confidence is really the need for less self-centeredness. I'm looking for the balance. It eludes me.

A Tax On People Who Are Bad at Math

FRIDAY!!!!

Sorry, I just had to get that out there. I heart Fridays.

Okay, I've been kind of a bum this week. I've been super-busy at work, which is good but trying, so when I'm not at work, I don't want to do much, so I gave myself the week off from doing anything too ambitious. That's okay though, because I have several exciting (and very ambitious) possibilities in my life these days. Right now, they are mere possibilities, but if there's one thing I've learned lately, sometimes possibilities are just as fun (perhaps better) than the thing itself. Yes, I live in a dream-world. But I digress.
I don't want to get into sharing the possibilities prematurely (we've been down that road, haven't we?), but I will tell you that I might win the lottery tomorrow. Yes, that's right: you heard it here first. I have a share in 21 lottery tickets. Why 21? I don't really know. I chipped in with some people at work - more as a sign of solidarity than a belief in the lottery - and I'm FEELING it! (Okay, not really, but if I'm going to dream, I might as well dream big, eh?) Don't worry: my other possibilities are much more likely to happen than the whole lottery thing. I haven't completely lost it.