Sometimes I wonder what it is I miss about college life. I’m pretty sure it’s not the reading and studying. It’s definitely not the finals (though I’ll admit to missing the post-finals elation). Taking a calculator to the grocery store so I can add up every dime of groceries and calculate sales tax so I don’t embarrass myself by not having enough money at the check-out stand? Waiting tables for a living? Planning my day around where I’m going to park my car? Let’s see: No. No. And no.
There are a few things I miss. I miss the fact that my usual bed time was 3 am…not much earlier than the time I get up these days! I got to sleep until 10 or 11 most mornings. I miss fall break and Christmas break and spring break and summer break. But there’s a lot to be said for having an adult schedule and there’s even more to be said for paid vacations.
Overall, I wouldn’t trade my life now for my life then. It was good while I was there. I’m glad I did it and I’m glad it’s over. But there is one thing about college life that I really do wish I still had: built-in friends. Here’s what I mean: in college (and all through school, really) you’re in an environment where everyone lives in almost identical circumstances: similar schedules, similar work-load, no money, roommates…all-around similar lifestyles, which makes for automatic similar interests, which makes developing friendships really easy – especially when you have thousands of people in the same boat within a 5-mile radius. It’s sort of an artificial environment and many of those friendships taper off post-graduation, but it’s luxurious while you’re there.
I started thinking about this because I’m in the curious position of having few true piers. Don’t get me wrong: (if you take any part of this post with you, take this. If I could make you check a little box that said you had read this disclosure before you read the rest of this post, I would.) I have many friends and I LOVE them and wouldn’t trade them for all the me-clones in the world. I in-no-way think it’s healthy to only have friends in your identical life-circumstances (even when I was in college, I tried to be around families as much as I could). I have advantages and disadvantages that other people my age (read: married with children) don’t have – I’m not saying my life is better or worse: just different. But sometimes, I think it would be really nice to have a group of working single people to hang around with.
This is where the concept of The Friend Date comes in. I am acquainted with a (very) few other single women around my age who I think I could get to be friends with, but whenever I see them I’m hesitant to ask them to go out for coffee or drinks. I just feel weird about it. What if we go to coffee and run out of things to say after 5 minutes? What if they don’t laugh at my jokes? What if they’ve prematurely settled into crazy-old-maid-cat-lady life? I can’t be friends with cat ladies! It’s just kind of awkward to try to start a friendship (for someone like me who’s not a natural conversationalist) and I don’t like taking the risk. Oh, the pressure!
Like I said, I love the friends I already have, but of course, it’s always nice to have more friends. Really, what I want is someone who I can call at the spur of the moment and say, “Hey, let’s go to dinner!” and they can just drop what they’re doing and go. Or I could call them to go see a movie with me. I think I’ve mentioned before that I don’t mind going to a movie by myself every now and then. I still don’t really mind it, but last time I did that, the guy that was tearing tickets was all, “You’re going to a movie by yourself? That’s so sad.” Thanks, buddy. Tear the tickets and mind your own business. He caught me on the way out, too and wanted to chat about why I was at a movie by myself. I guess it just blew his mind that a foxy lady like myself (ha!) would be at a movie alone. Anyway. I digress. I’m just saying that since I don’t always plan things in advance, it would be nice to have the option to call someone at the last minute to go do something, but I feel so vulnerable initiating new friendships.
Just as I was writing this, I got a call from one of the potential friends and she said was going to come by my office later this week (for business purposes). May be this is my big chance!
Posted by christin at October 23, 2006 11:58 AM | TrackBackHey girl! If I lived there, I would go with you. I'm going through the same thing right now and even thought about going to a movie by myself yesterday.
There aren't that many single girls OR single guys here either. So even if you wanted to move to Seattle last summer, you'd still have to work the same amount to find people to hang out with.
Becky
Hey Becky! I know you're right: it's always something, no matter where you live, so I should probably either shut up and do something about it or just shut up ; )
You should go to a movie by yourself if you want to. You might feel self-conscious about it, but it's sort of like wearing red lipstick: if you're going to do it, just do it boldly, like it's the most normal thing in the world. It's a lot more fun that way.
Posted by: Christin at October 23, 2006 08:06 PMI remember going to a movie by myself, but it was kind of by mistake. Unforunately I was older then all my friends by about a year, so I actually bought a ticket to the movie we were going to see and my friends bought one that was PG13 so they could just sneak into my theatre. We all got busted and the stupid theatre manager made us see what was on our tickets...hince I had to see the movie by myself.
Posted by: Lacey at October 24, 2006 08:14 AMOo... I don't think I've ever been to a movie by myself. It *is* nice to have people you can call up and say, "Let's go out!" and they can do that kind of thing. Every once in a while, we'll do that around here. You should come up for a visit sometime. I'm always up for a movie... or dinner... especially if I have time for it.
Posted by: Daniel at October 25, 2006 11:19 AMI hate to tell you that the pressure can be the same among the "married with children" group. In our circles, the friend date could be called the "playdate." Knowing that I'm the one craving social interaction, I get so nervous about calling other moms to set something up! I think, "What if her baby's taking a nap, or she's trying to feed two kids at once? What if her kids don't like mine? What if she doesn't like my kids? What if she doesn't like me?! Oh, forget it..." And if one kid smacks the other upside the head, we might as well have run out of things to say, because it's all over. Talk about awkward!
Posted by: emily at October 25, 2006 01:00 PMDaniel, ifyou'll just wire me enough money for a plane ticket, dinner, and a movie, I'll be there!
Emily, I know you're right. It's a classic case of "the grass is always greener syndrome". Such is life.
Posted by: Christin at October 25, 2006 06:53 PMI hate to say it, but most women fill this gap with a gay male coworker. They are always up for going out, they can talk about shopping and they would never get the 'wrong impression' if you spent too much time with them. I guess you could say they have found their niche. To which I would say 'not in those shoes.'
Posted by: Patrick at October 25, 2006 07:36 PM